The growing threat from Water Bears, AKA Moss Piglets, AKA Tardigrades, has taken a nasty turn. Since I exposed them on my blog for the innocuously insidious creatures they are, they have taken a new direction. It seems that some humans have already been infected, or I should say, Brainwashed! These tiny microbes resemble something created by artistic kindergartners. Some grown people even think they are cute! I didn’t know the incursion had gone so far and was sadly surprised to come under attack as some kind of monster for suggesting Water Bears might actually be plotting to take over the earth. I have copied and pasted a thread from Facebook to illustrate the point. Please pay attention to the fact that there are real cuddly stuffed toys available on the internet meant to introduce/indoctrinate our children to these docile devils.
(Note to reader: Daniel Arenson and the other posters on this thread are mostly friends of mine and I support them in their endeavors — NORMALLY, but in this case, I am deeply saddened and alarmed by some of the remarks. Now, please read on, I implore you.)
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Daniel Arenson and 2 others like this.
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Daniel Arenson He’s cute and cuddly. -
Samantha Bivins Adams I can’t go an hour without food and water. -
Celia Eaves Well, Samantha, you’d make a terrible tardigrade. A TERRIBLE one!
Way to fail at being an extremophile. -
Daniel Arenson I wonder if these tardigrades are related to Tard the grumpy cat.
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Celia Eaves Valid question… Hmmmm…
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Eliza Bales It’s so weird. It looks man-made. -
Daniel Arenson I think he’d look good with a monocle and top hat.
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Brendan Carroll Hey! I just wrote a blog about this critter! Awesome topic for genuine intellectual conversation. I think I’m going to invent a microbial bug zapper. -
Celia Eaves Why you wanna hurt dem, Brendan?! *sad face*
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Brendan Carroll Because they are our ultimate doom! These creatures are the things of nightmares, the subject of whispers and legends. The cause of every child’s fears of the night. They are the enemy!
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Brendan Carroll For God’s Sake! Daniel, don’t fall for it.
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Daniel Arenson I bet they’re everywhere anyway. They’re probably crawling all over us as we speak, too small for the naked eye.
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Brendan Carroll Exactly my point. These insidiously docile, diabolically innocuous microbes are closing in. Soon they will be in our cerebelli, our medulli oblongati, our pineal glands, controlling our lives, changing our television channels and making us eat hummus!
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Daniel Arenson Hmm… doomed to watch telly and eat hummus? Bring on the tardigrade invasion!
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Brendan Carroll I see it is too late for you. I’m sorry my friend, I should have warned you earlier. The fault is entirely mine.
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Daniel Arenson They’re just real life Horton’s Whos.
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Daniel Arenson I, for one, welcome our new tardigrade overlords.
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Celia Eaves Still think the monacle and top hat would look dashing.Now, as you can see this was a totally disheartening development. Especially those last few comments. This is exactly their plan. Edge into our world, multiply in the dark, seep into our dialogues and our monologues and our prologues and our epilogues. The disaster is brewing, people. It’s time to take up arms and legs and feet; anything that might touch surfaces where Tardigrades gather. Once they have infiltrated our brains, as in Daniel Arenson’s case, they will begin to coerce their unwitting human hosts into buying more clothing made microscopically small (I heard there is a factory in Micronesia willing to manufacture these clothes for Wal-Mart).This develop clearly shows how they intend to carry out the next chapter of their plan. I’m putting this up for anyone who cares to join in the Water Bear Watch.If you believe I am being an alarmist, cast your eyes on the following photo.
Once they have clothed themselves, chapter four will be initiated.As my sources, at great personal danger to themselves and others, gather more intel on the Water Bear Initiative, AKA the Moss Piglet Manifesto, AKA the Tardigrade Conundrum, I will keep you upgraded. Until then, my friends, keep an eye out and be careful. (You might want to purchase one of these to see the threat for yourself: Check It Out.}
Despite their terrible reputation – of which I was completely unaware until reading this blog – I can’t help but think my new baby great-niece would probably love one. Do you know what colours they come in?
OH, NO! Not you, too! LOL. Actually, Daniel Arenson put up that post about the plush water bears. I didn’t go and look at them. They are cute, though. My daughter has a plush Cthulhu, if you know who that is. Thanks for reading and commenting, Tracey.
I have bad news for you Brendan. They have spread to Australia. Except here they are bright purple and only have one eye. I just saw one land!
I’m quite sure the Water Bears are in Australia, Jill. They seem to have infiltrated the entire world while we slept. The creature you are referring to is known as a “One-eyed-one-horned-flyin’-purple People Eater”. They are fairly common, but the ‘People Eater’ part is a misnomer. They were originally known simply as “Eaters” (they eat everything including Water Bears), but are generally not a threat to people. The word “people” was added by the singer Sheb Woolly in his popular song. Sheb was, unfortunately, a highly agitated fellow with a big imagination and a fear of the dark. LOL
Thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoyed reading.